I don’t want to freak you out, but they are living among us. They are the Bubble People. No one quite knows their origins. Some say they are a mutation of the hipster. Others say they are next-gen yuppies. Perhaps they are suburbanistas with uppity lifestyle expectations.
Whatever their origin, they have arrived. Not that you’d know it because they never venture far from the safety of their bubble — a collection of suburbs that form a protective cocoon designed to protect its inhabitants from the horrors of the real world.
Bubble People are very cunning. They set up their habitats in places that are hidden from ordinary people. Sydney’s Bubble People live in a triangle formed by Bondi, Paddington and Double Bay. Melbourne’s bubble stretches between Port Melbourne, St Kilda and Albert Park Lake. In both cases the bubble is protected from the prying eyes of the suburban proletariat by natural barriers such as lake, bay, harbour or ocean and is always within easy access of the CBD. Bubble People do not commute. That’s such a suburban thing to do, like mortgages, lawns, children and boring jobs.
The common characteristic of these people is a commitment to living inside the bubble forever. Indeed, bubble life is very pleasant. There are no kids or old people. Everyone is young, fit and healthy and goes to the gym and eats out and “does coffee” and has a fancy job. Apparently it is mandatory for the females to do yoga. If you do not do yoga, the Bubble Police will track you down and eject you.
I have looked but I cannot find anyone inside the bubble who works as a fitter and turner. This is not to say that there are no fitters and turners living incognito — doing breakfast and having brunch — but that’s only because the Bubble Police don’t know what a fitter and turner does.
Note to Bubble Police: fitters and turners are blue-collar workers; people who work with their hands. No, not like a masseuse, like a mechanic. A mechanic is … oh, never mind.
The most popular job in the bubble is public relations consultant. If you are a PR consultant, it is mandated by the Bubble Collective that you be called Kate and you live in Sydney’s Surry Hills. I know this is limiting for males but, hey, I don’t make the rules.
There are of course bubbles in other cities, although I have to say that Brisbane’s Bubble People appear confused. They can’t decide whether their bubble should affix itself to the New Farm Peninsula, Hamilton Hill or the St Lucia pocket. Perth’s bubble extends between Subiaco and Cottesloe. Adelaide’s Bubblists are firmly ensconced amid the brunching cafes of North Adelaide, although I understand that a hills colony does exist at Crafers.
There are those who say we should purge our cities of Bubble People and open up their cocoons to the suburbanistas. I say we should keep them.
Bubble People exist to remind us all of what happens to those who stray too far from the real world.
Original article here