Steve Blizard's Blog

The Emotional Stages After Separation

steveblizard — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:02:24 +0000

After separation, you will still feel a range of emotions that can be difficult to deal with.

Whether you or your partner initiated the separation, breaking up is never an easy thing to do, especially when there are children involved. Even if it was your decision, and you know it is the right thing to do, you will still feel a range of emotions that can be difficult to deal with.

Take a look at our checklist which outlines the most common emotional stages you will experience. Remember that you are not crazy or weak to be feeling this way. It is important to work through your emotions and come to terms with them so that you are able to move on.

1. Denial

The first stage of separation is denial. This can begin even before the break-up, when you are denying to yourself that the relationship is in trouble. You may try to convince yourself that everything will work out or that you will eventually get back together again with your ex. This is a way to protect yourself from hurt.

2. Anger

It is natural to feel angry – both at your ex-partner and yourself. It doesn’t seem fair that this is happening to you and you want to blame someone. Anger can be a very destructive emotion, though, so it is important that you channel it constructively and don’t let it tear you apart.

3. Guilt

You feel guilty that you let your relationship fail and are breaking up the family – couldn’t you have done more? There is no point racking yourself with guilt. Things happen and it is important to learn from them and make the best of your new reality.

4. Fear

Once you have stopped denying the situation or blaming it on someone else, the truth begins to set in. You are on your own again. Out in the big wide world. Away from your child. This can be a scary prospect and you will probably be filled with fear. This is a healthy emotion that will help you decide how to move forward.

5. Grief

Even if you wanted the relationship to end, you will still feel a great sense of loss. You will be grieving for the future that you had hoped for and all those dreams that never quite came true. You need to acknowledge your grief and deal with it before you will be able to take the next step.

6. Re-invention

When you have been through a break-up many people will face a stage of re-invention. This is the point when you look at yourself and think ‘what can I do differently?’ or ‘how can I make sure this doesn’t happen again?’ Considering these things means that you are already on the road to recovery

7. Acceptance

Once you have dealt with your emotions – which can take some time – then you will move to a state of acceptance. No, it’s not the way you wanted it to turn out and yes, you probably could have done things differently, but this is where you are now, and you can start focusing on your future.

After a separation, you can find yourself on an emotional roller coaster, swinging between anger, guilt, denial and grief. This is natural but it is important to acknowledge and deal with your emotions so that you can reach a place of acceptance and be ready to put the past behind you and look towards the future.

By Emma Jones 1 June 2011

Original article here

Single Father Resources here

Dealing With Being Alone

steveblizard — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:51:15 +0000

It is hard suddenly finding yourself alone

One of the hardest aspects of no longer living with your family is finding yourself suddenly alone. Even if you have a good support network of family and friends around, you’ll still spend plenty of time on your own, and it can seem like a huge dislocation after years with your partner and your children. How do you deal with it?

Learn To Be Happy With Yourself

Learning to love yourself and to be comfortable alone might sound like something from a self-help book, but it really is important. It takes time to emerge from a relationship – up to two years, according to some – before you’re free of the baggage and really able to move ahead. (See our article about the Emotional Stages After Separation .)

You can use time by yourself very positively, to consider why this last relationship and others before it ended. See if there’s a pattern that’s been repeated. If there is, identifying it is the first step to breaking it.

It’s also a good time to take stock of your life. What do you want to do with the rest of your life? Are you happy in your job, or is there something you’ve always wanted to do, but never had the chance? This is the perfect time to make that change, whether it’s for a new job or to improve your education to move into another field. A new focus will bring new goals and surroundings and fill your time. It will also bring you a new circle of friends and colleagues, which can be useful when you’re making a fresh start.

Take up a new hobby. Is there something you’ve always wanted to try? If so, begin doing it. Even if it doesn’t live up to your expectations, that’s fine; you’ve given it a try, and it might introduce you to something else.

Using Your Network

You will have family and a network of friends that has built up over the years. Make time to see them and spend time with them. Often when in family situations, others become relegated to the background. Being alone is the perfect opportunity to become close to those others again.

Of course, there can be problems with some friends. A number of them will have known you and your ex, and might be on her side, or might not want to be thought to be taking sides. Others, though, will be supportive. Socialise with them, enjoy evenings out.

If You Have No Network

For a number of reasons, it might be that you have no family or friends locally that you can turn to. That definitely makes life harder, since you’re completely cast back on your own resources. You need to make sure you don’t become a recluse. Look around. You’ll see a number of activities advertised locally. Take the plunge and join in with one or two; it’s a good way to develop a circle of acquaintances.

Unless you’re a naturally social person, it can be hard to force yourself to go out and meet new people. However, it’s worth making the effort.

The worst thing you can do is dash out and try to find a new partner. Emotionally, you’re not in a good state to begin a new relationship – all the clichés of on the rebound really apply. It’s better to wait. That doesn’t mean no girlfriends, of course, but keep things light and Try Dating. A new girlfriend can be good; it reminds you that people can find you attractive and desirable. Just don’t make more of it than it really is, for your own sake.

By Chris Nickson 1 June 2011

Original article here

Single Father Resources here

Making the most of visitation

steveblizard — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 15:16:36 +0000

Remember that your relationship with your child will last a lifetime

By Kirk Bloir, Ohio State University Extension,

Many divorced fathers are faced with the reality of visitation – an often negotiated, mediated and all too brief time they are able to spend with their children. In many cases, visitation is very limited, compared to the relationship dads used to be able to enjoy, so it’s absolutely crucial that dads make this visitation time the best possible experience for their children and themselves. Here are a few ideas for making the most of your visitation:

Give it time

There’s an old saying that time can heal all wounds. But time is only half of the equation. Healing old wounds also takes a commitment to getting better. Soccer players who’ve torn a ligament just don’t give up. They gradually work themselves back into top playing form, even if their leg will remain tender and sore for years. Many fathers who have gone through a bitter divorce may find that it feels like they’ve got a torn ligament between themselves and their kids. Calling upon the fathering part of yourself may be painful and feel awkward at first, but with time, patience and practice, it does get better.

No “Mr. Mom”

Your first visitation may be the first time you’ve ever been alone and bearing full responsibility for taking care of your kids all by yourself for an extended period of time. Or, you may be an old pro at taking care of your kids by yourself. In either case, never try to be a mom. You’ll only set yourself up for failure because men are not moms, men are dads. First, your children expect you to be fatherly. Do the things you always did. If you were a husband who cooked, continue to cook. If you didn’t cook, don’t try to “show-off” for your kids by attempting to whip-up some gourmet meal. Rather, be honest with your kids, and invite them to learn with you, on whatever you’re attempting. Let them into your life. Invite them to sit next to you and read with or to them that article on bass fishing. Look for ways you can include them in your life and ways you can continue to be involved in theirs. Second, you just won’t feel quite right. Trying to be something (a mom) that you’re not is like trying to wear your shoes on the wrong feet. You may be able to do it for a little while, but it is awkward.

Avoid conflict

Research tell us that if you can reduce conflict, you’re transitions should be smoother. But if your marriage ended with an unresolved war, you will most likely need to work harder to make the transition for you and your kids smoother. Men who have most successfully negotiated a bitter divorce or custody battle remember that any unresolved conflict they feel about their former family life rests with their ex-wife, not their kids. And they never openly battled or degraded their former wife in front of their children. Remember that she’s still their mom, even though she’s no longer your wife. Being aware that you still harbor negative emotions toward your former spouse can help you avoid directing them toward your children when it’s “your weekend.” Awareness can also help you put your hurt and anger behind you. Mentally practice and prepare for visitation. Make a game plan for how you will handle picking up and sending off your child(ren). Be sure you know where and at what time you’re to be there; it’ll be easier for you and your kids.

Avoid over-scheduling

Visitation may seem very daunting. “How am I going to keep them entertained?” many fathers wonder. Stop and ask yourself if you worried about this when you were married? Probably not. Why? Because it was OK just to be in each other’s presence. It was OK just to watch television together. It was OK not to have to talk. It’s still the same. Even though you may have a hundred and one things you want to talk with your child about (or maybe not) doesn’t mean they want to. They may need time to themselves for a while, just to be, rather than to be doing. Talk with your kids about the types of activities they would like to do. Ask them how they would like to spend their time with you. Be open and honest about your likes and dislikes. Over time, you’ll establish a natural rhythm that will transform what seems to you as “fathering by appointment” into wonderful memories and strong bonds with your child(ren).

Be flexible

Even though the agreement mediated by the courts may give you visitation every-other weekend and every-other holiday, there’s no reason you and your former spouse can’t vary that arrangement by mutual agreement among all of you, kids included. There may be times when your kids are invited to a slumber party or they’re going to a camp. Or, you can’t get any other dates off work. Being ridged to spite your former spouse only hurts your kids.

Don’t push

Accept the fact that your child(ren) are living in two separate households. Going from one home to the other causes children to feel the emotional equivalent to jet lag. Kids need time to get reacquainted not only with you, but with their surroundings. Avoid making it harder for them to adjust by imposing a radically different set of rules or value system, or by making them feel bad about the different system at their mother’s. It’s tough enough for kids to sort through and make personal sense of all the values and beliefs they are being taught. Your goal is to create as little confusion as possible. Be especially sensitive to entertainment, religion, holiday traditions, bedtime, curfew, and other behavioral rules. It’s a delicate balance you’re trying to achieve influencing rather than inflicting. You’ll never go wrong if you’re focused on the needs of your child.

Give them their space

Children feel more comfortable, at ease and connected when they know they have a place at each parent’s home that is theirs. It can be a room, a chest, a dresser, a desk, a bookcase…. some place they can keep things that are theirs and know it will be waiting for them when they return. Put up posters that reflect some of your child’s interests; furnish with mementos that have special meaning for both of you.

When they resist

There are many reasons why your child may resist visitation. They may not like the woman you’re dating or are married to, or the new family you are living in. Some kids reach an age when friends, activities and other interests become important and they are no longer willing to devote as much time to you alone. You can’t bribe, argue, or coerce your kids into spending time with you. You may have to wait until they can accept the changes in your life. Whatever their reasons, try to set aside your fears and insecurities. Be supportive, listening and accepting of their feelings. Make it clear that your door is always open, and there is always a place for your child in your heart and home. That’s not to say it doesn’t hurt when your child appears to be rejecting you, it does. But the hurt will pass and it doesn’t mean you’re losing your child. It’s just part of the divorce you have to get through and move beyond. And you will. Remember that you’re relationship with your child will last a lifetime. They will think differently next year and the years after. Your understanding now will pay off for both of you in the future.

You’re still a dad

It’s important for every divorced dad to remember that even though he is no longer a husband, he is still a father. Even though the warm, loving, intimate relationship with your former spouse is over, your children continue to need and crave a warm, loving, and involved dad in whom they can confide.

Give yourself and your children the time, space, patience, unconditional love and acceptance you and they need.

Original article here

You gotta write down the lies

steveblizard — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 03:45:05 +0000

Uploaded by mhcseattle on Jan 25, 2012

What does a wife do if she feels she’s not easy to lead? Grace says that, for her, repentance was always the key first.

A lot of times, too, there are underlying fears or lies that make trusting a husband hard, says Grace, and so it’s important to ask God and your husband what those fears and lies are, literally write them down, and then combat them directly with truth.

This clip is excerpted from the sermon “Friend with Benefits,” part 2 of Mars Hill Church’s Real Marriage sermon series, based off the book of the same name by Pastor Mark and Grace Driscoll. It was preached by Pastor Mark at Mars Hill Downtown Bellevue and released on January 22.

Watch the full sermon here: http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage/friend-with-benefits

For more on the Real Marriage book, campaign, and tour, visit:
http://pastormark.tv/campaigns/real-marriage

People don’t fall out of love

steveblizard — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 03:23:44 +0000

Pastor Mark Driscolls explains that people don’t “fall out of love”.

Some of you will say, “Well, I just don’t have love for them. We’ve fallen out of love.” First John 4 says repeatedly, quote, “God is love.” You know what that means? Love doesn’t begin with us. It begins with him. Love doesn’t emanate from us. It emanates from Him.

The love that we can have for our spouse is a divine love. It’s a supernatural love. It’s a grace-oriented love from God, because, though sinners, God loves us. And even if our spouse is in sin, or we’re in sin, God has love for them through us, and God has love for us through them, and it’s the love of God through us.

Rather, pray, “By the power of the Holy Spirit, through the love that God gives me, I commit to being your friend” and see what God does in their heart.

Aussie Blokes and Shed Happens – Ian Watson & Paul Morrison

steveblizard — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 04:15:05 +0000

Ian “Watto” Watson talks about Aussie blokes, Shed Happens & Shed nights.

Every bloke has a story. Aussie blokes struggle with isolation, loneliness, not being able see their kids, legal bills, & problems with broken relationships.

All ages come along. The young boys sit & listen to men’s stories.

There is something about listening to a bunch of blokes, talking the truth, which brings confession & healing.

Our identity is who we are, not what society puts apon us. Let men be men.

Video includes Paul Morrison performing “My Hallelujah”

We are loved beyond imagination

steveblizard — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 16:55:18 +0000

In this short 10 minute video, Barry Adams explains why it is God’s heart for us to live a life without fear.

The Distances of Intimacy

steveblizard — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:19:32 +0000

Intimacy will always require nurturing

By Steve Wickham

Think of the difference between ‘a distance’ and ‘the distance’ and they communicate vastly different concepts. The first describes something potentially far off and the second describes a measurement. The distances of intimacy, similarly, portray relational closeness in different ways.

One fact remains, however: the distances of intimacy are bound to grow if they are not maintained. The distance will become some distance.

And, at some point the relationship reaches breaking point if it’s not tended to. That may or may not be conducive to our goal.

In more broad terms, the distances of intimacy simply enunciate a phenomenon known throughout life: the vanishing points of perspective.

ONE PERFECTLY VISIBLE FACT OF LIFE

Vanishing points in space (the geometry of perspective) and time (the present moment inevitably becoming history) tell us a lot about life in this realm. It keeps moving – its state, nature, purpose, and identity is dynamic. Life implies movement.

Consciousness cannot remain still, though we often wish we could slow it a little.

All energies obey this law whether they are stored statically, as in a charged battery, or the energy relents, like the blowing of leaves by the wind.

As far as relationships are concerned – and in the poignant sense: intimacy – such a truth is graphically known.

The vanishing point theory demonstrates that intimacy either grows to reduce the distance between us or it diminishes and we grow apart – things measured by distance to reduce or increase in distance.

Intimacy will always require nurturing, and if we are serious about our relationships – not just the romantic ones – we will invest whatever it takes to maintain the closeness of rapport.

Likewise, some relationships we’ll allow to peter out; those that don’t matter so much – those that may dilute our vital intimacies too much.

BOTH TYPES OF DISTANCE ARE TO OUR ADVANTAGE

Reflecting over the relationships of our lives we can measure the distance of the intimacy in each one; they fit into one of three boxes: the intimacy is about right; there is too much intimacy; or, there isn’t enough.

We are the ones designing the distance. We are the ones who are measuring the preferred space between us. We are the ones investing or divesting accordingly.

The distances of intimacy are to our advantage so long as others will allow and we have the ability and mindfulness to reflect and move in the direction we wish to.

The distance between us and our partners or work colleagues or siblings or other family members etc is up to us.

We can at any time increase or reduce that distance. Importantly, the distances of intimacy always shift naturally apart, like floating islands; they require effort to maintain.

Intimacy is a thing we are rewarded with due the effort we put in. Intimacy and trust cannot grow without sustained commitment, as seen via the mode of action.

Steve Wickham is a Registered Safety Practitioner (BSc, FSIA, RSP[Australia]) and a qualified, unordained Christian minister (GradDipBib&Min). His blogs are at: http://epitemnein-epitomic.blogspot.com/ and http://inspiringbetterlife.blogspot.com/.

Original article here

Creating Intimacy, Creating Distance

Every person in a relationship is responsible for co-creating whatever they experience in the relationship. If you are in a relationship, review the two lists below and see what you are creating more of: intimacy or distance. If you want to create more intimacy, this list is a good guideline for how to do so behaviorally. If you are unable or unwilling to do the things on this list consistently, you may need help in learning how to do so.

FACTORS WHICH PROMOTE INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS BETWEEN PARTNERS:

regular, consistent attention for one another and the relationship
respect for one another and the relationship
regular healthy verbal communication
regular physical contact (frequency and type mutually agreed upon)
frequent eye contact -passion, excitement and fun together
promotion of physical and emotional safety at all times
spontaneous surprises on occasion
regular expression of caring & tenderness as defined by your partner
regular expression of feelings
using conflict resolution skills when conflict emerges
creating regular time alone together, without distraction
anger and resentments expressed and resolved
realistic expectations which are regularly communicated
asking for what you want
saying and/or doing what is truthful and honest for you
being honest and straightforward with your partner
acceptance of your partner’s personality and characteristics
promoting your partner’s growth as an individual
taking responsibility for your relationship/life problems
understanding the impact of your family of origin on your relationship
taking the time to listen to what your partner thinks and feels
living in the present and envisioning a positive future together
emphasize solutions and positivism

FACTORS WHICH PROMOTE DISTANCE BETWEEN PARTNERS:

lack of attention to one another and the relationship
lack of respect for one another and the relationship
lack of healthy verbal communication
lack of physical contact
lack of eye contact
lack of passion, excitement and fun together
verbal, physical and/or emotional abuse
predictable, routine interactions
few expressions of caring & tenderness
unexpressed feelings
avoiding conflict or avoiding resolution of conflict
avoiding time alone together
presence of unspoken or unresolved anger and resentment
unexpressed or unrealistic expectations and assumptions
being afraid to ask for what you want
saying and/or doing only what you think your partner wants
lying, deceiving, game playing, passive aggression
trying to change your partner’s basic character
stifling your partners’ growth as an individual
blaming your partner for most or all of your relationship/life problems
ignoring the impact of your family of origin on your relationship
assuming your know what your partner thinks and feels
living in the past
emphasize problems and negativity

KEEPING INTIMACY AND PASSION ALIVE

Intimacy can be evaluated in many ways. These are nine questions that can give you a sense of whether your relationship is in need of an intimacy tune up. Remember that there are no right or wrong answers!

Nine Intimate Questions (often, often enough, not enough, or rarely)

1. How often do you show affection for each other?
2. How often do you laugh at each other’s jokes?
3. How often do you say something nice to each other?
4. How often do you compliment your partner in front of others?
5. How often do you make love?
6. How often are you playful with each other?
7. How often do you look each other in the eyes while talking?
8. How often do you give each other a little surprise?
9. How often do you say “please” or “I’m sorry”?

If you are disappointed or dissatisfied with your answers or if you wish more of them were “often” or “often enough”, then consider this a sign that your relationship needs reviving.

Given that most of us are working very hard and that a stressful life existence can be considered the “norm”, it is likely that our relationships are not getting the attention that they deserve. Here are some pointers for you to consider without adding yet another demand in your already busy world. These tips are intended to help you cope and increase the intimacy and passion that are necessary for a healthy relationship.

1. It takes WORK. No surprise but if you can remember that a relationship requires us to put energy into it on a daily basis than you will be able to foster the growth of a healthy and developing union.

2. You are a TEAM. We are required to make many decisions in life regarding our careers as well as our social and community involvements. Regardless of what decisions you make, remember you are part of a relationship. The decision you make will affect the relationship. Before you make a decision, ask yourself this question, “What will the choice I am making do to the people I love?”. Try to make the decision that will have the least negative impact on your relationship and your family.

3. Be PROTECTIVE. If you do not protect your relationship who will? Separate your partnership and your family from the rest of the world. It might mean refusing to work or worry on certain days or nights. You might end up turning down relatives and friends who want more time with you than you have to give – saving energy for your relationship. It may mean even saying no to your children to make sure you have time with your partner.

4. Good enough is as PERFECT as it gets. The reality is that we all have to make sacrifices and compromises in life. You may have to settle for a job rather than a career that demands too much time or travel. You may have to settle for less income in order to have a job that allows you the time and energy for a healthy family life. Most of all, you will have to accept that there is not enough time at this point in your life to do and be all that you might aspire to be.

5. Communicate. Unless you constantly communicate, signaling to your partner where you are and getting a recognizable message in return, you will lose each other along the way. Create or protect communication-generating rituals. No matter how busy you may be, make time for each other. For example, take a night off each week, go for a walk together every few days, go out to breakfast if you can’t have dinner alone, or just sit together for 15 minutes each evening simply talking, without any other distractions.

6. Manage your ANGER. Try to break the cycle in which hostile, cynical attitudes fuel unpleasant emotions, leading to aggressive behavior that stress others and create more tension. Don’t confuse assertion with aggression. Watch your non-verbal signals, such as the tone of your voice, your hand and arm gestures, facial expressions and body movements. Deal with one issue at a time.

7. Declare Devotion. True long term relationships require repeated affirmations of commitment to each other. Don’t forget that love is not only in what you say but also in how you act. Do the dishes without being asked and of course, the age old custom of bringing flowers to the one you love!

8. Give each other PERMISSION to CHANGE. It is fascinating to note how much more couples know each other early in their relationship than they do once they have been together for years. The reason? People stop paying attention. If you aren’t learning something new about each other every week or two, you simply aren’t observing closely enough. You are focusing on other things, not one another.

9. Have FUN. Human beings fall in love with the ones who make them laugh. They stay in love with those who make them feel safe enough to come out to play. Keep delight as a priority. Put your creative energy into making yourselves joyful and producing a relationship that regularly feels like recess.

10. Be TRUSTWORTHY. People trust the ones who validate them. Always act as if each of you has thoughts, impressions, and preferences that make sense, even if your opinions or needs differ. Realize your partner’s perceptions will always contain at least a few truths, and validate those truths before adding your perspectives to the discussions.

11. Forgive and FORGET. Don’t be too hard on each other. If your passion and love are to survive, you must learn how to forgive. You and your partner regularly need to wipe the slate clean so that anger doesn’t build and resentment won’t fester. Holding on to hurts and hostility is a way of blocking real intimacy. It will only assure that no matter how hard you otherwise work at it, your relationship will not grow. Be compassionate about the fact that neither of you intended to hurt the other as you set out on this journey.

12. Cherish and APPLAUD. The most fundamental ingredient in the intimacy formula is cherishing each other. You need to celebrate each other’s presence. Be gracious. Acknowledge all those small acts of kindness each other performs in the everyday tasks of life. People are amazingly resilient if given at least a little reinforcement for their efforts.
Remember that there are no perfect relationships. Keep these points in mind and may they help you foster the love, intimacy and passion that we all need and deserve – even if we are stressed!
Adapted from Supercouple Syndrome: How Overworked Couples Can Beat Stress Together. By Wayne and Mary Sotile.

Original article here

Morality, Markets, and the Audience of One – Os Guinness

steveblizard — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 14:39:20 +0000

Capitalism is only a mechanism, and the problem comes in when people make it a source of meaning.

In this third and final blog post from an interview with Os Guinness (check out part 1 and part 2), Os talks with Randy Alcorn about living for the Audience of One, and the relationship between calling, markets, and morality.

R&L: Throughout your discussion of calling, you cite many who, out of their own sense of calling, opposed barbaric and tyrannous regimes—people like Dietrich Bonhoffer, Vaclav Havel, and Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. What is it about calling that enables men and women to stand against the tides of the times?

Guinness: One of the themes introduced by the Puritans is the notion that people live by calling, in other words, living by faith to the glory of God and having one audience—the audience of one. Today, so much of modern society is so other-directed, so audience-driven, and so seeker-sensitive, that much leadership is actually codependent on follower-ship, which gives rise to leaders who are really panderers, not leaders.

I think of the difference between Winston Churchill and his friend, David Lloyd George. Churchill was described “as impervious to public opinion as a diver in a bell.” Lloyd George, on the other hand, was described as so amazingly attuned to public opinion that when he was alone in the room, there was no one there. Most modern leaders— not only in politics but also, sadly, in the church—are closer to David Lloyd George than they are to Winston Churchill. But the person of calling has one audience, the audience of one. So, if one believes on the basis of conviction and conscience that the majority is wrong, it becomes necessary to challenge received opinion, to take on the majority.

R&L: I would like to read a quotation from your book. You write, “Calling, which played a key role in the rise of modern capitalism, is one of the few things capable of guiding and restraining it now.” Could you unpack that a bit for us?

Guinness: I have no problems admitting the extraordinary superiority of market capitalism; it is a remarkable engine of dynamism, fruitfulness, productivity, and so on. I question that not at all.

But it is only a mechanism, and the problem comes in when people make it a source of meaning.

You see in the New Testament that those of us who are followers of Christ always have a choice. Either we love God and use money wisely and fruitfully, which is terrific, or we love money—call it Mammon—and try to use God, which is a dangerous form of idolatry. Calling helped produce the rise of capitalism; it also has the power to reintroduce a philosophical, theological, ethical notion that can be the guiding and disciplining force to channel capitalism so that it is purely creative and not destructive.

R&L: What, then, is the relationship between markets and morality?

Guinness: Unless capitalism has an ethical boundary, it will always create two problems. One is the problem of insatiability, never knowing when to stop, always wanting just a little more. The other problem—you can see this very clearly in America today—is commodification. The good society draws a line between what is and what is not for sale, but, in modern America, almost everything is up for sale, including much that should not be. We need powerful faith with strong ethics and knowledge of what is legitimate to buy and sell—that’s the market at its best—but certain things are not for buying and not for selling, and we should know why.

Source: “Rediscovering “Calling” Will Revitalize Church and Society.” Religion & Liberty. 8.4 (1998): 1-4.

Original interview here

Blacktown unblackens its name – 7.30 Report ABC TV

steveblizard — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 09:05:32 +0000

The more they see cops running around a paddock laughing, having a bit of fun, that's really important and it really sends a strong image and a strong signal.

Video Story HERE

Australian Broadcasting Corporation
Broadcast: 05/01/2012
Reporter: Tracy Bowden

Blacktown in Sydney’s West was a gathering place for young people wanting trouble but a community program is turning that around.

Transcript

CHRIS UHLMANN, PRESENTER: Thursday night used to spell trouble in Blacktown west of Sydney. It’s a melting pot of dozens of nationalities, including a large refugee population.

And it’s young – half of the locals are aged under 30.

When a new police commander arrived he faced serious challenges and disturbing crime trends. Now with some community support and a dose of common sense, Blacktown’s becoming a safer place to live.

Tracy Bowden reports.

(Shots of groups of adolescents hanging around)

TRACY BOWDEN, REPORTER: Blacktown is 34km west of Sydney.

The city has a compact, crowded central business district. This is the hub for shopping, public transport, entertainment and in the past, for crime.

(CCTV footage)

SUPERINTENDANT MARK WRIGHT, BLACKTOWN LOCAL AREA COMMANDER: It’s a very small geographic area and that’s why it was described, if you look at crime on a hotspot map, it’s like my predecessor would refer to it as Chernobyl because it was just almost a 1km radius – and that encapsulates the CBD.

TRACY BOWDEN: When Mark Wright took over as the local area commander in 2008, one of the first things he discovered was that Thursday night was fight night.

(CCTV footage of adolescent kids fighting)

MARK WRIGHT: It wasn’t uncommon here to have up to 2000 kids in and around the precinct here. A lot of these people were actually coming here for the purpose of fighting.

So there may have been a dispute at school or there may have been a dispute with boyfriends, girlfriends, some relationship issue. And they would come to Blacktown on a Thursday night in particular to solve their differences.

It wasn’t out of control but the potential was there because when you get large numbers it always has the potential to increase. It has the potential to get out of control.

SUVANNAH CHAND: There’s a whole bunch of people, hundreds of them would turn up just to see them fight.

TRACY BOWDEN: Nineteen year-old Suvannah Chand was unemployed and bored and in the thick of it.

SUVANNAH CHAND: Black eyes, busted nose, broken jaw, ribs… um, just bruises everywhere, stuff like that.

TRACY BOWDEN: The local shopping centre became a focal point for vandalism and theft. Some shoppers chose to stay away.

HARRY BEVITT, BUSINESS OWNER: On Thursday nights and Saturday afternoons I think it was a dangerous place to be.

Harry Bevitt runs a juice and coffee shop in the centre.

HARRY BEVITT: We were all scared. We had gangs jumping the counter in the night time and stealing whatever that wasn’t bolted down – drinks, machinery, knives.

(A group of Sudanese girls greet each other)

TRACY BOWDEN: One of the most visible groups in the Blacktown community are the Sudanese. John Garang came to Australia 7 years ago and says cultural differences were behind much of the unrest here.

JOHN GARANG, BLACKTOWN RESIDENT: There were lot of problems because youth from different communities and in particular African youths with the Pacific Islanders community – and also the mainstream youth because when we first entered the country, people thought, you know, “These people, where did they come from?

Superintendant Wright walking Tracy Bowden through the shopping area)

MARK WRIGHT: So they all congregated here to start with…

TRACY BOWDEN: The program Mark Wright developed to tackle the problems in the area is called Comm4unity. Its motto, “Connecting our minds for unity.”

MARK WRIGHT: Some of the brawls would occur around here.

(Operation Mingle meeting)

TRACY BOWDEN: Step one was to meet with all the non-Government groups working in the region and plan a coordinated approach.

MARK WRIGHT: The mission of our operation, Operation Mingle, tonight is to provide a high visibility cordinated approach utilising community leaders with the police and alongside the police.

TRACY BOWDEN: Another initiative was to step up the police presence on the streets, but with community involvement.

(A group of police officers walking with community members including John Garang)

Tonight officers are being joined on the beat by representatives of different cultural groups, among them John Garang.

JOHN GARANG (to a Sudanese boy): Are you going to play soccer? Where are you going?

(Boy shakes policeman’s hand)

JOHN GARANG: We have to teach the mainstream community the positive side of our history, that we are peaceful people and we need to co-exist peacefully without any problems in the Australian community because we are enjoying our freedom and there are no worries.

(Local football game with police and Sudanese community members)

MARK WRIGHT: The whole thing is about building community. It’s about that social cohesion. And the symbols are extremely important. The more they see us together, the more they see cops running around a paddock laughing, having a bit of fun, that’s really important and it really sends a strong image and a strong signal.

(Young people at a dance competition)

TRACY BOWDEN: Mark Wright also discovered that many of the young people in the area were fanatical about dance but their ghetto blasters and impromptu performances in the shopping centre weren’t welcomed so he organised classes and more formal shows.

SUVANNAH CHAND: I just like dancing, you know? And they gave us a chance to dance with Comm4unity and Switch.

TRACY BOWDEN: For Suvannah Chand, the dance group Switch has provided a life-changing output.

SUVANNAH CHAND: There’s lot of things they do for us you know, just to keep us out of trouble.

TRACY BOWDEN: Where do you think you’d be if Switch and Com for Unity hadn’t come along.

SUVANNAH CHAND: At the pub (laughs)… To be honest, at the pub.

TRACY BOWDEN: Comm4unity introduced a number of programs for young people, including employment workshops and a range of sporting activities.

Gradually, things started to change. Fight night is now a thing of the past and with the help of the Comm4unity program, Suvannah Chand is just one of the locals who’s found a job.

SUVANNAH CHAND: A lot has changed. Yeah, it’s helped a lot, I think, especially with the fighting and that. There’s really no more fighting around these areas anymore.

TRACY BOWDEN: And why is that?

SUVANNAH CHAND: Because people have something to do nowadays, you know. There’s a lot out there. You’ve just got to find it. It’s not going to come to you.

HARRY BEVII: The gangs have gone. I don’t know where they’ve gone but there’s no trouble anymore in the centre or even outside in the streets. You can walk the middle of the night on a Thursday and you’re not going to have any problems.

MARK WRIGHT: Crime within the CBD is falling.

Is it dramatically falling? No. But street-level robberies, assaults, steal from persons have all decreased and continue to fall.

MC: Before we get started I’d like to welcome to the stage the founder of Switch, the man himself, Superintendent Mark Wright.

(Crowd applauds)

TRACY BOWDEN: Mark Wright has become something of a local identity around Blacktown and his program is now being looked at by police and community groups in other areas facing similar challenges.

MARK WRIGHT (to the audience): ..as usual, we really appreciate the presence of the mayor…

Will it ever be over?

Probably not. But if we can make the area more friendly, if it we can make it more welcoming, people will return, people will spend the money. It helps the local environment, the local economy. It’s a win-win.

(Kids break dancing at Switch competition)

CHRIS UHLMANN: Tracy Bowden with that report.

Original story link HERE