Leadership

Do Yourself a Favour …. Forgive [Part 2] – Joyce Meyer

Do Yourself A Favour…forgive

#1 New York Times bestselling author, Joyce Meyer, tackles the most destructive emotion that roams the battlefield of the mind: anger.

Forgiveness is easier said than done and is one of the most difficult personal issues for people to deal with. When people fail to forgive, it damages – often ruins – relationships, causes stress and other health problems and can turn one’s life and work into a prison of the mind. Without forgiveness, anger and bitterness become a cauldron of poison that doesn’t go away – it just gets worse.

Joyce gives readers tools that will transform the words ‘I forgive you’ into a statement of true meaning that can take relationships to the next level. By addressing where the need to forgive comes from, you will understand the importance of forgiveness and how to use it’s power to better your life and the lives of those around you, rather than letting anger’s destructive forces take over.

AVAILBLE IN AUSTRALIA AT KOORONG BOOKS: http://www.koorong.com/search/product/do-yourself-a-favor-forgive-joyce-meyer/9781455516063.jhtml

Do Yourself a Favor Forgive Part 1 Joyce Meyer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-WdBkpICxg&feature=related

Do Yourself a Favor Forgive Part 2 Joyce Meyer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpWhPtRZlhA&feature=relmfu

VIDEO TRAILER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAFoOH6D88M&feature=player_embedded

Do Yourself a Favour …. Forgive [Part 1] – Joyce Meyer

Do Yourself A Favour…forgive

#1 New York Times bestselling author, Joyce Meyer, tackles the most destructive emotion that roams the battlefield of the mind: anger.

Forgiveness is easier said than done and is one of the most difficult personal issues for people to deal with. When people fail to forgive, it damages – often ruins – relationships, causes stress and other health problems and can turn one’s life and work into a prison of the mind. Without forgiveness, anger and bitterness become a cauldron of poison that doesn’t go away – it just gets worse.

Joyce gives readers tools that will transform the words ‘I forgive you’ into a statement of true meaning that can take relationships to the next level. By addressing where the need to forgive comes from, you will understand the importance of forgiveness and how to use it’s power to better your life and the lives of those around you, rather than letting anger’s destructive forces take over.

AVAILBLE IN AUSTRALIA AT KOORONG BOOKS: http://www.koorong.com/search/product/do-yourself-a-favor-forgive-joyce-meyer/9781455516063.jhtml

Do Yourself a Favor Forgive Part 1 Joyce Meyer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-WdBkpICxg&feature=related

Do Yourself a Favor Forgive Part 2 Joyce Meyer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpWhPtRZlhA&feature=relmfu

VIDEO TRAILER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAFoOH6D88M&feature=player_embedded

Real-world experience is the best teacher

Theory be damned, real-world experience is the best teacher

Justine Ferrari, National Education Correspondent
The Australian   16June, 2012

WALKING into Bernie Howitt’s Year 9 history class at Narara Valley High School, on the NSW central coast, is to be hit by a wall of noise.

Even after 36 years as a high-school teacher, Mr Howitt still struggles with the decibel levels. “It’s when I feel old,” he says.

“It’s like trying to teach 26 over-exuberant puppies who have all failed puppy school and jump on you all at once.

“Year 9 is very boisterous sometimes, with them all trying to tell you something at once. Each kid’s opinion is really important to them but you can’t split yourself into 26 parts. It’s one of the reasons I get them to read at the start of each lesson, partly to do the reading, because I’m encouraging them to read, and partly because it settles them a little.

“They can just jump at you, not in a bad or malicious way, but just like puppies.”

Mr Howitt, who lectures at the University of NSW in teaching methods, said all the theoretical strategies in the world would fail to help new teachers if they didn’t have the experience of applying them in the real world.

For this reason, he sees merit in the idea of a medical-style internship, giving teachers on-the-job training while studying.

“There’s a tension in teacher training between providing the theoretical underpinning for a strategy, which is important, and the practical application,” he said.

“Now I feel the theoretical component of my Dip Ed was a waste of time. I learnt everything in my practical training.”

When Mr Howitt first started at Narara Valley about 11 years ago, the school had a reputation for being a tough place, with low academic results and poorly behaving students with low expectations of themselves and their futures. Many of the students who now go on to university are the first in their family to do so.

“My first society and culture class we were talking about social class, and I asked: ‘What class do you perceive yourselves as?’ And without any sense of irony, their honest answer was, ‘We’re white trash’,” Mr Howitt said.

“They had no reason to behave or aspire to anything. We had to break the fool-to-be-cool mentality.”

Mr Howitt believes the key to keeping control over a rowdy bunch of teenagers is keeping them interested in what you’re teaching, and the key to that is having passion and compassion – caring about your subject and caring about your students.

“It’s not rocket science, but it is hard work,” he said. “One of the things our boss (principal Andrew Eastcott) is always on about is establishing relationships between the teacher and student. That’s the key, all our success is that.”

The only time in his career he has felt physically threatened was in his early days at the school when he was trying to talk down a boy holding a stick. “I understood he was really frustrated and angry and could see he was upset,” he said. “I was trying to talk him down and he ended up whacking the wall next to me, breaking the stick.

“I knew that he was doing that rather than hitting me. You can look at that one of two ways; you can come out all hard or you can ask what caused that.”

He said much of the problem behaviour among students stemmed from social issues, including family breakdowns, abuse, poverty and community dysfunction.

“You have to be much more of a counsellor these days. My job as head teacher has a very high welfare component,” he said.

“Of the kids who are often sent to me, this is the safest place in the day for them and some of the issues we deal with in this school are horrendous.

“The issues you hear about on the news are in this group of parents in this school.

“The school staff have set about to change the school’s culture, setting high expectations for the students academically and of their behaviour. We raised the bar, we wanted kids to be aspiring to be above average.”

The school introduced two integrated courses in the humanities and sciences for Year 7, giving students two teachers who could develop relationships rather than six.

The school has also introduced accelerated classes for more able students, compressing Years 7 to 10 into three years, and runs a program in creative and performing arts.

Original article here

 

5 Toxic Beliefs That Ruin Careers

The Book of Proverbs in the Old Testament is, in my opinion, one of the best business books ever published.  One passage, in particular, contains a world of business wisdom: “As a man believes so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7)

In the past, I’ve written in this blog about the beliefs that make people more successful.  However, I’ve observed that there are five other beliefs that consistently make people less successful. Make sure you don’t subscribe to any of these

1. My self-worth is based on what others think of me.

Some people define themselves based upon how they guess their boss, co-workers, relatives and friends see them. When they are convinced that others think poorly of them, such people lack the self-confidence necessary to consistently take action.

2. My past equals my future.

When some people experience a series of setbacks, they assume that their goals are not achievable. Over time, they become dispirited and discouraged, and avoid situations where failure is a risk.  Because any significant effort entails risk, such people are then unable to make significant achievements.

3. My destiny is controlled by the supernatural.

Some people believe that their status in life–or even their potential as a human being–is determined by luck, fate, or divine intervention.  This all-too-common (and ultimately silly) belief robs such people of initiative, making them passive as they wait for their “luck” to change.

4. My emotions accurately reflect objective reality.

Some people believe that their emotions are caused by external events. In truth, though emotions are determined by the perception of those events, combined with preconceptions about what those events mean. Such people find it difficult or impossible to “get out of their own heads” and see situations from another person’s viewpoint.

5. My goal is to be perfect or do something perfectly. 

Because perfection is unattainable, the people who seek it are simply setting themselves up for disappointment. Perfectionists blame the world (and everything in it) rather than doing what’s necessary to accomplish extraordinary results.  That’s why “successful perfectionist” is an oxymoron.

If you’re suffering from any of these five beliefs, I strongly recommend expunging them in favor of better beliefs. I explain how to do this in this post “How to Be Happy at Work” (in the post, I call them “rules”, but that’s the same thing as “beliefs.”)

Geoffrey James writes the “Sales Source” column on Inc.com, the world’s most-visited sales-oriented blog. His newly published book is Business to Business Selling: Power Words and Strategies From the World’s Top Sales Experts. @Sales_Source

Original article here

 

How to survive a campaign and not sell your soul

Mark Textor      9 June 2012    Sydney Morning Herald

One of the consequences of an increasingly expansive financial and political media field is the need for content to fill it. Some content is important. Most is borderline trivial, certainly irrelevant. But that has never discouraged the commentators. This search for content to feed the hungry commentariat has led to the rise and rise of the ”process story”. The ”process story” is about campaign mechanics, whether it be a political campaign or a big market offer, not about the issues of the campaign. It’s often no more than bundled-up gossip: who is important, who is not, the leaks, the expenditure, the personalities, the buzz and the fizz of the functioning of campaigns. These stories are almost always written by people who have never actually resided in a campaign headquarters of any worth.

After 25 years of sitting in more campaign HQs than I can count, I can assure you they are far from Hollywood in nature. They are more like a frontline base camp. Something to be survived, and savoured much later, rather than enjoyed.

To give you a true sense of the inner circle’s mindset here are a few survival tips.

Sing – Gary Barlow & The Commonwealth Band featuring Military Wives

Published on 19 May 2012 by militarywiveschoir

100 Ways to Serve Others

I’ve continued to be inspired by people’s 100 lists and you’ve probably seen many that I’ve highlighted in recent resource lists.  Dragos wrote one that triggered me to write another with his excellent post on 100 tips to write huge lists. This list is on my favorite subject and while the length of these lists makes them quite a challenge to make, this particular subject is one I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about and writing goals in so its a great topic for me to tackle in a list.  The items were actually fairly easy to come up for me without any research or added web surfing, but the real effort was then in putting a short description or example for each.

Anyway, I’m thrilled to have this list completed and can’t wait to experience and see the results of personally doing every single one on the list.  That is the challenge I made for myself and I hope you challenge yourself with some or all of these items as well.  This is also my largest single article ever and was awesome to create!  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it.  I’d love if you could help to share it as well, thanks.

1. Smile

This is a great habit to develop to start each and every day and to practice whenever you have the chance.  The great thing is that smiling at others is easy and takes nothing but a little effort.  Nearly everyone responds to a smile and it makes you and the other person feel better immediately.

2. Hold or Get the Door for Someone

Simple things are a great way to serve others and these little things can really make a great difference.  Stop and hold the door for someone whenever you get a chance you hold the door and let someone go in front of you.  This sends a strong message and you can really bump it up by combining this with #1, a great smile with the door offer.

3. Help someone get where they want to be

I mean when it comes to transportation or as a physical destination.  There are always friends, colleagues and family needing a ride somewhere or a pickup form a trip, vacation or event.  Perhaps it’s to be a designated driver for a group of friends.  Simply offer to help get there where they want to be.

4. Buy someone lunch

Buying lunch is not that expense, as many people do it everyday and when you have an opportunity when you are getting or eating lunch with someone, simply buy their lunch as well as yours.  Don’t offer, don’t tell them, just do it and don’t make a big deal about it.  Don’t say they can get the next one, don’t say they’d do it for you, just buy them lunch and leave it at that.

5. Pick up a hitch hiker

This one scares a lot of people and I will certainly include myself in that group.  However, it’s a great way to serve others and is a lot safer than we tend to think or what we are often taught about strangers.  It is also very safe if you think about where and when it is OK to pick up a hitch hiker and what people you want to pick up.  Often you can offer someone (a stranger a ride) when they are not trying to hitch hike and this is very safe.

6. Provide Road Side Assistance

People have car trouble all the time.  I’m sure you have at one point as well.  Whether its changing a tire, jumping a battery or calling for an expert for a tow.  Stopping to help someone can make a tremendous impact on someone who is struggling on the side of the road.  This is especially true with accidents and is sad when people leave in a hurry when they should be stopping to help and offer a testimony to ensure people are not taken advantage of.

7. Mow Your Neighbors Lawn

Little things make a big difference and little things for a neighbor can turn an unknown neighbor into a great friend.  Mowing a lawn or raking some leaves only takes a few minutes to do a little more than your own yard.  it looks better when lawns are mowed at the same time and while you shouldn’t expect it, often such favors will be returned.  I’ve experienced this one many times.

8. Invite someone over for dinner

An easy way to develop relationships is to have a meal together and so inviting someone over for dinner is a great way to serve them and that relationship.

9. Give a gift certificate

I love giving people living on the street gift certificates.  Gift cards for food or stores for basic needs like clothing you can buy pretty much anywhere and then instead of giving money to someone who you have no idea how they might spend it, you can give them something that they have to use for their basic needs.  I’ve given grocery store $20 gift cards to peddlers and they are always just thrilled getting it and it makes it easier for me knowing they can’t just turn around the corner and spend it on drugs or alcohol (you can’t buy alcohol in grocery stores here in Canada).

10. Help someone achieve a goal

People often struggle achieving their goals and every one of us can use help in some way.  Ask people about their goals and do what you can to help them achieve it.  Perhaps you make a suggestion of where to start or some person to refer, a course or knowledge or some personal tutoring or action to help them with, whatever it is, helping people achieve their goals is a wonderful way to serve others.

11. Share your dreams with someone

The more you think about your dreams and share them with others, the more likely they are to come true and for you to spend time on them.  So, sharing your dreams with someone and them sharing theirs in return, helps make those dreams more likely and timely.

12. Shovel snow from more than your own walks

If you live in a subzero climate with snow, shoveling the walks can be a regular event in the winter months.  Take a few minutes and shovel the walks for your neighbors or a local bus stop, or public pathway.

13. Write an article that helps people

This is an easy one for bloggers as it’s a regular event.  For non-bloggers however, writing is not always seen as a way to help people, but it’s incredibly helpful.  Pick a subject you know well and write an article about it and share it with people you know.

14. Teach something specific that you know about

Take writing one step further and teach someone something you know in person.  Take the time to help them learn it, to explain it and to have then learn from you.  Teaching is a great way to serve others and we all have an opportunity to teach others in areas we already have learned.

15. Listen intently in conversation

Conversations and communication can be difficult at times and in order to make it work and to serve others in a communication is to truly listen and to listen intently.  Others will feel values that you took the time to listen and they were actually paid full attention and that you cared enough to hear them out.

16. Always let others speak before you

Another angle of communication is in when you speak and when others speak.  To give to others and serve them in your communication, let them speak first and present their ideas.  Often the people who speak first are the ones credited with an idea (if you had the same idea to share as well) and it’s great to allow that credit and attention to be paid on someone else.  It’s a wonderful way to serve someone else when you know they had the same idea as you, but instead of stating that, you can simple tell them, “That is a great idea!”.

17. Volunteer in your community

This likely came to mind when you first thought about serving others and it’s a classic example of course.  There are many ways to do this through programs, organizations, clubs, groups, community associations and any other activities in your community.  There are often websites and directories for connecting volunteers and placements that would be good for them.  Do some searching around your community.

18. Host a homeless person overnight in your home

It’s sad that this is such a scary thing for people image themselves doing but what better way to serve others than to provide the most basic of needs for someone who really needs it.  There are many incredibly deserving and kind homeless people who simply can’t afford a home in our rich nations even though they have a job and family.  Helping these people out and to get to know them a little and provide some assistance is a great way to serve others.

19. Donate money to a charity

Pick the charity you like, or many and set aside some money to give to them.  The best way to give is to set it up to be an automatic width drawl so that the charity knows they can count on that monthly contribution and so that you make sure you do your giving before your other spending.  We all spend too much anyway.

20. Pick up loose garbage

Our cities are for the most part, quite disgusting.  There is garbage everywhere you go and it will never get cleaned up without people seeing the difference and by helping to pick it up.  Do what you can and stop to pick up some garbage instead of walking over it for a change.  I especially like to do this when I go out into the wilderness for a hike or ride.  I always come home with more than I went out with since I make sure I take a moment to notice and to pick up someone’s garbage left behind.

21. Be a mentor to someone

Everyone needs help to achieve their dreams and goals in life and mentor ship is an excellent way of providing that needed help, encouragement and guidance required.  Look for opportunities to mentor people and provide that benefit to someone else as a way to serve.

22. Give away your old stuff

I said it above and I’ll say it again.  We all have too much stuff.  Do a favor for people in need and give away some of the things you no longer need or use or wear.  Others would be happy to have it and it will help you simplify your life and enjoy your time more.  Find a few locations that you can drop off your stuff or call an organization that collects your goods to redistribute to those in need.

23. Buy someone a book

If you have explored LearnThis much, you know that I love books.  Well do someone a service and buy them a book to enjoy as well.  Don’t buy them a book though that YOU would enjoy, buy them a book that THEY will enjoy.

24. Be genuine with your apologies

Put some sincerity into your apologies and be genuine when you do make a mistake.  Own up to it and make the appropriate apology in person and in a serious tone.

25. Bring baked goods to work

No matter where you work and if you work with people, people love food.  Bringing in some baked goods or snacks is always appreciated.  You can do this with your colleagues or clients, just try to ensure the food is something most can enjoy and its best to find something that is not just sugar or unhealthy.  There are many great foods to share that are healthy as well and people do enjoy.

26. Compliment someone

Serving others has to be about them.  Compliments are a great way for you to focus something positive on them and brighten their day.  Find something you can be genuine about and give them the compliment with  smile and positive approach.

27. Help to organize charity event

Charities and non-profit organizations struggle to get people to commit to planning an event or attending a volunteer effort.  You can help out the organization AND the people it is serving if you help to run the charity or a charity event.

28. Be sportsmanlike on sports teams

Sports involve a lot of different personalities and sometimes emotions.  Playing very sportsmanlike and keeping your cool even when others do not, serves everyone playing as an example and often the source of calm for the rest of a team.  Do your best to stay calm, play with sportsmanlike conduct and encourage fair and fun play over competition and winning.

29. Encourage people

I just mentioned this for sports above but its possible in all areas of life.  You have endless opportunities to encourage people to do what they love, follow their dreams, achieve their goals and do the things they enjoy doing.  Encourage positive behavior and fun actions through you day, you will enjoy it more, help others recognize those same things and hopefully, keep more of those actions coming as a result in the future.

30. Give books you’ve read away

Not many people read all the books they have, let alone read them more than once.  If you have books you know you will not read away keep them in mind and anyone interested in that subject, simply give them that book.  I absolutely receiving free books from others and always enjoy reading them as I know there is someone to have a conversation then with about that book.

31. Be a friend to those who don’t deserve it

Friendship is often thought to be something that is earned.  Well serving others you not looking for what others earn, you are simply serving others.  Extend the offer of friendship to someone who doesn’t seem like they deserve it.  Perhaps they have made some bad choices in life, hurt you in the past or stuck in a difficult set of habits to break.  The best thing for them is a true friend and it’s a great way to serve if you can provide that.

32. Support mission and aid workers

There is constantly aid work going on around the world and traveling missionaries or support works in developing nations and disaster zones and they need support.  You can support them with funds, letters, time, gifts or any combination of those.  Spread the word as well and help these organizations grow, they are themselves doing a great service that deserves more support.

33. Share your creativity

Creativity sparks new ideas in others and ideas trigger change, growth and hope.  Sharing your creativity with others serves these same results and is a great way to connect with people as well.

34. Promote someone else’s idea

We all our own ideas but how often do you reinforce and encourage someone else’s idea.  Just one more way to serve and build others up.

35. Tell someone they are your friend

It’s funny how we don’t know how to classify as a friend or not.  Everyone has a different definition of this, but we all like to hear that someone is our friend when we do finally hear it.  Make it obvious if you are around someone new or you just don’t really know if they consider you a friend or not, to specifically say it.  Fit it into a sentence or an introduction or just a comment, like it’s great to do stuff like this with friends, thanks.

36. Introduce a friend to someone they don’t know

Friends make connecting with other people much easier and if you ensure you always introduce your friends to other people you know, it builds new connections and make more people feel welcome in a conversation.  It’s never fun to be the third wheel not knowing someone in the group so make sure you always introduce people to each other.

37. Talk to people at parties who look “out of place”

On the theme of meeting people and introducing people, often you can serve others by simply approaching them and introducing yourself.  It only takes a minute and can make a new person or someone who is uncomfortable or out of place to feel a lot better.  Invite them other into a group you are with, or just spend a few minutes to ask them questions and help them feel more comfortable.

38. Stay calm and don’t react in arguments

Arguments are a sure way to cause problems and staying calm may not be the easier thing to do (especially if you are under attack), but it is the best way to serve others both in the argument and seeing it indirectly.  If you can stay calm and not make the situation any worse, then you do everyone a service including yourself from not reacting negatively.

39. Support your loved ones no matter what

We often put higher expectations and judgments on those we love instead of accepting thing for who they are and their decisions.  There is nothing wrong with hoping for them to change or break away from destructive habits or decisions but there is a point at which you simply must support them as well if they make decisions or choices that you don’t agree with.  Isn’t that the best way to show you love them anyway?

40. Share successes

People learn from the success of others and so sharing both your successes and the successes of others with more people is an easy way for everyone to learn from those experiences.

41. Practice appreciate inquiry and positive dialog

Appreciate inquiry has so many benefits it’s a wonderful way to help people feel included, listened to, engaged with and ultimately it’s a way to bring the best out of people and what they are involved in doing.  I strongly believe in this one as it has such a focus on others and bringing out the best in people it is really an exceptional way to serve others.

42. Pay for the stranger’s coffee behind you in line

Head on through the drive through or even at a till in person and tell the cashier you would like to pay for that other person’s purchase as well.  You will quite likely surprise the cashier and the other person with such a simple act of kindness.

43. Offer your seat on the bus / train

Public transport is often quite crowded and its sad how selfish people seem to be when onboard.  Look for a chance to offer your seat or a helping hand to someone traveling with extra bags, children or perhaps a disability.

44. Operate a blog and give away great content

This is obvious one for me and I’m sure many of my readers here as well.  Blogging really is about serving others once you start writing for what your readers want, and not what you want yourself.  The best blogs exist because of the authors wanting to provide value and great content.  There is much to learn from blogging and the best part by far, is the way it serves others and connects you with people.

45. Take on a project as a DIY with a friend

Do-it-yourself (DIY) has many benefits and when you can offer to help a friend take on a project you are doing a great service for them.  Your help, support and perhaps expertise will bring you together to accomplish something and enjoy it when its done.

46. Accept others ideas without immediately judging them

It’s easy to be critical at times, especially if we think we have our own better idea.  Do a service to others and don’t discount or be negative towards their ideas.  Let them stand on their own and don’t immediate judge them.

47. Put and keep your cell phone out of site in conversation

This is a huge pet peeve of mine and I’ll never do it to others.  If you are in a conversation with someone, give them your full attention, face them and put your dang phone away.  It sends a poor message to be playing with your phone or answering it in the middle of a conversation.  You can’t serve someone when sending the message that whoever might be calling is clearly more important than you so I’m going to check right now.

48. Inspire others

This is a whole list on its own for ways to do this but we do all have things we are passionate about and enjoy.  Spread that passion and look to spark inspiration in others in sharing those.

49. Share appreciation aloud

People rarely feel appreciated enough even though it is incredibly easy to do.  Practice expressing what you appreciate about someone and do it aloud so they hear it and perhaps others will hear the same, share more or learn from you to do the same.

50. Share gratitude in life

Similar to appreciation to others, gratitude is usually expressed towards circumstances, gifts and talents and life and life in general.  Some show gratitude to God, to others or to their environment.  Be grateful for what you have, recognize the abundance you have to experience and share that gratitude with others.  Spreading gratitude and recognizing it is definitely a way to serve others.

51. Demonstrate perseverance

There are many ways to demonstrate perseverance but I’m thinking more specifically in the ways you are already serving others.  Taking items on this list and persevering to keep them happening, to keep on practicing, to keep on serving.

52. Make moral decisions

Moral decisions are ones that are considered to be right.  Moral decisions serve the general good and allow you to serve by making choices based on what is right and good.  We all have a moral grounding as human beings and it’s how we are created and how we think at the deepest fundamental levels.  Using that moral compass for our decisions serves others in these good decisions.

53. Live ethically

Ethical living has some parallels with moral living but perhaps more from the human defined perspective, and not human nature.  Ethics are largely defined by our cultures and society and so making that system stable and effective requires that we follow ethics and make decisions that take society into mind and use that in the way to live.  It’s all about what is right for many, a great way to serve others.

54. Share your mistakes with others

Mistakes are a wonderful way to learn and something that can easily be taught to others if shared.  Examine your mistakes and do more than learn from them yourself, share them with others.  You can gain a lot of trust in sharing mistakes and help others learn from those actions before they make the same mistakes.

55. Clap and cheer aloud

You often have a chance to clap for someone or even cheer for them at conferences, events or sports activities.  What about in meetings, daily work or even at home around the house?  Take a moment to recognize others and serve them by showing your appreciation for a job well done, an accomplishment or for taking on a new adventure.  Show them by clapping for them or cheering.  Bring others into the habit and use it often.  We do this in my workplace very often in meetings, after hearing good news or any accomplishment that is share with a group.  The cheers and clapping always bring on a smile and serves everyone involved.

56. Tell me about yourself

Tell me about yourself or introduce yourself are pretty common questions in interview and sometimes in business meetings with new clients or with new employees and colleagues.  Use this chance to share your values and principles instead of just your usual background like where you work, your educational background or where you live.  Tell someone what you value most, why and what principles you follow in all of your life.  This has much more significance, surprises people so gets remembered and creates a faster stronger relationship can typical introductions.

57. Magnify someone’s kindness

Visit BondChristian.com and read about magnifying someone’s kindness and then go do it.  Marshall wrote, “So how do you magnify someone’s kindness? You truly appreciate it. You accept it – you accept that in that moment, you are depending on someone else, that you really do need someone else.”

58. Be willing to describe your vulnerabilities

Vulnerability exposes oneself and is an catalyst to building trust.  When people see vulnerabilities, they relate quickly and connect at a stronger level which immediate builds trust with that person.  Vulnerabilities also humble oneself which leads to…

59. Be humble

There are many ways to be humble, not just in exposing vulnerabilities.  Giving credit to others, taking blame, talking about others not yourself, and avoiding the temptation to be right are all great ways to be humble.  Humility is goes hand in hand with serving others from a character trait perspective and the focus on others is what allows humility to surface.

60. Choose to be happy

Happiness is not something you seek, it’s not something you can find and its not something you can gain based on “if only…”, “when this…” and “as soon as this happens…” thinking.  Happiness is something you must believe you can have and you then have to choose to be happy.  You can be happy with hardship and suffering all around you and under terrible circumstances in your life if you truly believe you have that choice.  For all those that need outside influences to be happy, you can provide that service and choose to be happy and to be an example of happiness for those around you regardless of the circumstances.

61. Admit your faith and beliefs

How you possibly serve others if you do not share or admit for faith and beliefs with them.  Wouldn’t that be deceiving them, hiding things from them or even lying to them if you take it too far in fear of telling them?  If you truly have faith and believe in it, you HAVE TO also believe in the value of sharing it.  Yes, there are good times for this and perhaps some bad times, but you must be willing to admit your faith and belief systems.

62. Ask open ended questions

Good conversations depends a lot on questions and interaction between people.  You can give control of a conversation and draw someone into being more expressive with you by asking open ended questions that allow them freedom to respond with more of their thoughts and not just a yes or no answer.

63. Be a change agent

We need to change through life or we become complacent and we die within our trapped lives.  Change prevents that and allows people to grow and develop.  Obviously personal development is connected deeply to change and if you see the value in it, serving others should involve being a change agent to help make changes happen in your life, those around you and your community for the better lives of all.

64. Avoid and guard against gossip

Gossip can be disastrous to friendships, careers and other people’s lives.  Learning to avoid gossip and guard against it both for yourself and for others is a valuable service to engage in.

65. Live with purpose

Purpose is difficult to understand if you don’t know your purpose yet.  It becomes the driving force in your life and gives you the energy to do all that you do in place of all the distractions and selfish acts that tend to keep us from our ultimate purpose.  I’ve learned that people who believe they know there purpose rarely claim a selfish one and its most often one that has a betterment for others at some level in it.  I believe we all have this created in us and so living with purpose in some way involves serving others.  I certainly know that’s in my purpose.

66. Express your passions

Passions expose a positive attitude, joy and excitement from a person when they are expressed, or at least more so than normal topics.  This excitement rubs off on others and in turn help to encourage them to be excited or to express their own passions as well.

67. Ask more questions than you answer

Asking questions shows interest in others and makes them feel more comfortable and connected in conversations.  Use questions to serve others.

68. Hand write a personal thank you card

Hand written cards and especially thank you cards are very impactful compared to verbal, email or other means.  Write a personal note or thank you to those that do things for you.  It’s a simple way to return a good feeling.

69. Take the blame

I don’t mean to take the fall for things you did not do (as that seems dishonest), I’m meaning to own up and take the blame when you do make a mistake.  Owning up to it instead of denying it, blaming others or fighting back in any way is the fastest way to resolve things and so a great way to serve others.

70. Keep excuses to your self

It’s very easy to be get defensive and this is related to the blame game above.  We use the technique of the victim cycle to make excuses in life.  Keeping these excuses to ourselves at least keeps others from getting sucked into the blame game and helps to protect our habits from impacting others.  Of course learning to eliminate excuses altogether is best but even the first step of keeping them to yourself helps to serve others.

71. Apologize sincerely

It’s actually quite sad to see how poorly most people apologize.  Insincere and often still accusing of others disguised right within the apology.  “I’m sorry you took it that way” is a LOT different than saying “I’m sorry I hurt you”.  Keep your apologies sincere and always make sure you only include what you did that you are sorry for.

72. Promote employee engagement

A great way to serve others at work is to engage other employees and colleagues whenever possible.  Look at ways to involve others, find things that excite your colleagues and show interest in people over the bottom line.

73. Give honest feedback

Mastering feedback is a crucial skill for a manager but can apply to anyone when serving others.  Feedback is a powerful tool to use to send a message of concern and care.  If feedback is used properly, there is no good or bad feedback, it’s simply a way of showing concern, express a hope for developing the best in others and a great way to serve them.

74. Tell stories

I love stories and I know many others do as well.  It’s unfortunate so many people lose interest in stories as they age, I for one have not.  Anything told as a story or that makes a story is of interest to me over other experiences and I know that stories have a way of drawing in others and developing relationships.  Telling stories attracts people and is often used as a way to communicate an otherwise complex topic.

75. Control your response

While it is difficult to master, we do control our response to every situation in life.  The choice is hard to always make the way we want to when thinking clearly yet with practice, we definitely serve others by getting better as controlling our response and being constructive and positive in otherwise difficult circumstances.

76. Master your state of mind

Our response is typically due to some moment or short time frame.  Our state of mind however, is really an extension of that response and applied over long periods of time.  State of mind affects our emotions, our mood and our thoughts at a drastic level and so in order to be at our best and to be in a state of mind that is helpful to others, we need to have some control over that state of mind.

77. Use the words, “Thank you.”

Why is “Thank you!” so hard to say?  Compliments can be hard to come by sometimes and I believe its because we are so good at wrecking a good compliment with a poor response.  Sometimes we argue back and say things like, “No I didn’t” or “Nah, you’re just saying that”.  People have been taught that that is how to be humble but they are sadly mistaken.  Responding in this way sends the message that they are wrong and so the compliment is rejected.  It’s a terrible thing to do and subtly and unconsciously stops people from sharing compliments.  There is one good response for a compliment, two simple words, “Thank You”.

78. Be prepared

The good old Scout’s motto, “be prepared” is a great way to think when it comes to serving others.  If you are not prepared, you will need to be dependent on others and if you need them, how can you serve as easily.  I’m not saying there are not exceptions to this, but in general, if you are prepared for a circumstance, you are more likely able to serve others in that circumstance yourself.

79. Stay healthy

Staying healthy keeps you out of the health care system, keeps others from having to look after you and enables you to live longer, set a good example and be able to serve others.  If you can’t look after yourself, how can possibly serve others as easily?

80. Live with less stuff

Serving others tends to take a second place in life for many of us from all the other things we have going on.  We volunteer if we have time, we help a friend if we are not already doing something and we put our spiritual needs behind our career and family for the most part.  Well, all our stuff and complexities tend to distract us even more and so living with less stuff and activities is an easy way to serve others as it frees our time for it and lets us put it as a priority.

81. Eliminate complaints

Complaints are toxic to other people and their moods.  Most complaints are simply dwelling on the past and never really help anyone.  Do others a favor and eliminate your complaints.

82. Keep emails positive

Emails are a cause of many communication breakdowns from saying things the wrong way or sending an unintended message.  This happens especially with emails that are criticizing something or negative in tone.  To prevent this and to keep in mind your service to others, keep your emails positive.

83. Communicate in person

When you have a chance to communicate in person over email, voice mail and even the telephone, take it.  You can always communicate more easily in person than other methods.

84. Ask for help when needed

Another way to serve others is to ask for help when its needed.  People do generally want to help when they can and asking for help is a sure way to give them that opportunity.  Taking on work yourself often leads to frustration and bitterness which can have long term effects that affect your ability to serve.  Sharing skills, advice and a helping help is a great way to serve others, on both sides.

85. Use your talents

You are created with your own set of unique talents and when you discover what they are you should use them.  Talents are wonderful to show with applied skill and are very inspiring to others.  Your talents are always the areas you will have the most impact in and if you use your talents, you have the greatest ability to serve others.

86. Practice patience

I’ve had to learn this one the hard way and am realizing how effective applying patience is in serving others.  While I used to get very frustrated and impatient with others, I’ve felt that God has been testing to learn to have patience and has opened my eyes to see how it is best for others when patience is practiced.  I have learned the value in it now and truly believe that patience is a powerful way to serve others.

87. Protect forests

Our forests, our planet, our resources, it’s all a hot topic globally now and for good reason.  We are destroying what everyone deserves to enjoy and a small portion of the humans are destroying the largest percentage.  It’s a shame and the only way to combat it is to serve others by protecting the forests, the resources and our planet as a whole.

88. Forgive an action

Holding a grudge will get you nowhere.  Forgiveness as hard as it is, is the best way to serve others.  It’s the key to Jesus’ message and if we can live like Him, we are serving others by doing do.

89. Cancel a debt

Have you ever chipped in a few coins to cover someone’s bill at the grocery store?  How about the money a friend borrowed and has never paid back yet?  Cancel the debt and simply give it to them with no expectation of repaying the debt.  If someone owes you something, don’t hold it over them, simply cancel and forget the debt and hold onto the relationship instead of the money attached.

90. Avoid the unimportant

Unimportant things distract us constantly from our lives, in our work, our families and in our relationships.  The debt mentioned above could one of these things and it prevents us from realizing and experiencing what actually matters.  If you want others around you to experience the best memories and relationships with you that is possible, avoid the unimportant and start doing, saying and acting on the important things in your life.

91. Be enthusiastic

I know that this one may be somewhat a personal preference but as a very animated and enthusiastic person myself, I’ve heard countless times how my energy and enthusiasm is such a great presence and character trait.  I see the same in others and so I definitely believe that enthusiasm builds positive energy in others and that can only serve them by influence and perhaps, by being contagious.

92. Donate blood

This is a huge need for trauma care and a very selfless act that is truly done to serve others and provide a critical need.

93. Use positive dialogue

Positive dialogue fits into a few other items here as well but this is specifically in how you talk and what you talk about.  If you focus on the positives in your life and words you say, you will make a positive impact on others as well.  Positive dialogue includes discussions, your comments, feedback, hopes, dreams, aspirations and stories that are uplifting and positive in nature.

94. Do extra household chores

This is an easy one to do but unfortunately the word, “chores” has such negative thoughts associated with it for most people we avoid it.  If that is the case for others as well, would you not say then that to serve them well would be to do some of their household chores?

95. Give anonymously

Giving is a great way to serve others.  Make it an even better service by leaving a mystery by giving anonymously.  If you are serving them, you don’t need the recognition and certainly don’t need the receiver to feel any obligation.  The best gifts are the ones received in gratitude and anonymous gifts are easier to be grateful for than one that is connected elsewhere in our lives, so give anonymously.

96. Leave a specific compliment with a tip

Tips are an easy way to serve others in return for what they have done for you.  If you want to make a stronger impact, then write a note or message with a tip to leave a specific compliment.  Perhaps at a restaurant you could ask to speak to the manager and tell them about the great service you received from a specific server.  The restaurant manager will be happy to hear this and the server will likely gain other benefits, far more than just your added tip.

97. Say hello often to strangers

Living in Calgary, while it isn’t a huge city, its much bigger than the small town I grew up in and it is odd how seldom people say hello.  I hate that about the city and I’m doing my best to change it.  You can to by greeting strangers, smiling in public and by simply hello to people as often as you can around the city.  I ride my bike to work and love the bike paths I ride along as I often pass by people and have a chance to spread a smile and a hello.  Most often it brings a smile in return and isn’t that a great way to serve.  I think so.

98. Keep your promises

Being a person who can be trusted to do what you say is an important way to serve others.  Breaking a promise kills trust and takes much longer to rebuild.  If you want to serve others, you need to keep your word to them and be honest when you know you can’t keep your promise as early as possible or ideally, before you make it in the first place.

99. Let love for others drive your life

Love is the most powerful thing in this world.  It provides us all with an ability to drive through incredibly painful circumstances. It brings about hope and joy that can overcome any amount of suffering and it sets an example for service to others and to God like nothing else.  Love is a gift we all have the option to experience by God’s grace, it is offered to each and every one of us.  Experience that, make love a focus in your own life and use it to drive your life to serve others.

100. Recognize when God calls you to serve

Finally, my last in this list of 100 ways to serve is to open your mind and heart to God, to listen and then ultimately to act upon his calling in a way He wants you to serve.

 

More from Mike King

• 50 Ways to Be More Humble and to Act Humbly
• 100 Ways to Simplify Your Life and Mind
• 100 Ways to Be a Better Leader

Original article here

 

Why We Lie

• THE SATURDAY ESSAY
• 26 May, 201Wall Street Journal

Research shows that nearly everyone cheats a little if given the opportunity. Dan Ariely, author of the new book, “The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty,” explains why. (Photo courtesy Shutterstock)

We like to believe that a few bad apples spoil the virtuous bunch. But research shows that everyone cheats a little—right up to the point where they lose their sense of integrity.

Not too long ago, one of my students, named Peter, told me a story that captures rather nicely our society’s misguided efforts to deal with dishonesty. One day, Peter locked himself out of his house. After a spell, the locksmith pulled up in his truck and picked the lock in about a minute.

“I was amazed at how quickly and easily this guy was able to open the door,” Peter said. The locksmith told him that locks are on doors only to keep honest people honest. One percent of people will always be honest and never steal. Another 1% will always be dishonest and always try to pick your lock and steal your television; locks won’t do much to protect you from the hardened thieves, who can get into your house if they really want to. The purpose of locks, the locksmith said, is to protect you from the 98% of mostly honest people who might be tempted to try your door if it had no lock.

We tend to think that people are either honest or dishonest. In the age of Bernie Madoff and Mark McGwire, James Frey and John Edwards, we like to believe that most people are virtuous, but a few bad apples spoil the bunch. If this were true, society might easily remedy its problems with cheating and dishonesty. Human-resources departments could screen for cheaters when hiring. Dishonest financial advisers or building contractors could be flagged quickly and shunned. Cheaters in sports and other arenas would be easy to spot before they rose to the tops of their professions.

But that is not how dishonesty works. Over the past decade or so, my colleagues and I have taken a close look at why people cheat, using a variety of experiments and looking at a panoply of unique data sets—from insurance claims to employment histories to the treatment records of doctors and dentists. What we have found, in a nutshell: Everybody has the capacity to be dishonest, and almost everybody cheats—just by a little. Except for a few outliers at the top and bottom, the behavior of almost everyone is driven by two opposing motivations. On the one hand, we want to benefit from cheating and get as much money and glory as possible; on the other hand, we want to view ourselves as honest, honorable people. Sadly, it is this kind of small-scale mass cheating, not the high-profile cases, that is most corrosive to society.

Much of what we have learned about the causes of dishonesty comes from a simple little experiment that we call the “matrix task,” which we have been using in many variations. It has shown rather conclusively that cheating does not correspond to the traditional, rational model of human behavior—that is, the idea that people simply weigh the benefits (say, money) against the costs (the possibility of getting caught and punished) and act accordingly.

The basic matrix task goes as follows: Test subjects (usually college students) are given a sheet of paper containing a series of 20 different matrices (structured like the example you can see above) and are told to find in each of the matrices two numbers that add up to 10. They have five minutes to solve as many of the matrices as possible, and they get paid based on how many they solve correctly. When we want to make it possible for subjects to cheat on the matrix task, we introduce what we call the “shredder condition.” The subjects are told to count their correct answers on their own and then put their work sheets through a paper shredder at the back of the room. They then tell us how many matrices they solved correctly and get paid accordingly.

Another set of our experiments, conducted with mock tax forms, convinced us that it would be better to have people put their signature at the top of the forms (before they filled in false information) rather than at the bottom (after the lying was done). Unable to get the IRS to give our theory a go in the real world, we tested it out with automobile-insurance forms. An insurance company gave us 20,000 forms with which to play. For half of them, we kept the usual arrangement, with the signature line at the bottom of the page along with the statement: “I promise that the information I am providing is true.” For the other half, we moved the statement and signature line to the top. We mailed the forms to 20,000 customers, and when we got the forms back, we compared the amount of driving reported on the two types of forms.

People filling out such forms have an incentive to underreport how many miles they drive, so as to be charged a lower premium. What did we find? Those who signed the form at the top said, on average, that they had driven 26,100 miles, while those who signed at the bottom said, on average, that they had driven 23,700 miles—a difference of about 2,400 miles. We don’t know, of course, how much those who signed at the top really drove, so we don’t know if they were perfectly honest—but we do know that they cheated a good deal less than our control group.

Such tricks aren’t going to save us from the next big Ponzi scheme or doping athlete or thieving politician. But they could rein in the vast majority of people who cheat “just by a little.” Across all of our experiments, we have tested thousands of people, and from time to time, we did see aggressive cheaters who kept as much money as possible. In the matrix experiments, for example, we have never seen anyone claim to solve 18 or 19 out of the 20 matrices. But once in a while, a participant claimed to have solved all 20. Fortunately, we did not encounter many of these people, and because they seemed to be the exception and not the rule, we lost only a few hundred dollars to these big cheaters. At the same time, we had thousands and thousands of participants who cheated by “just” a few matrices, but because there were so many of them, we lost thousands and thousands of dollars to them.

In short, very few people steal to a maximal degree, but many good people cheat just a little here and there. We fib to round up our billable hours, claim higher losses on our insurance claims, recommend unnecessary treatments and so on.

Companies also find many ways to game the system just a little. Think about credit-card companies that raise interest rates ever so slightly for no apparent reason and invent all kinds of hidden fees and penalties (which are often referred to, within companies, as “revenue enhancements”). Think about banks that slow down check processing so that they can hold on to our money for an extra day or two or charge exorbitant fees for overdraft protection and for using ATMs.

All of this means that, although it is obviously important to pay attention to flagrant misbehaviors, it is probably even more important to discourage the small and more ubiquitous forms of dishonesty—the misbehavior that affects all of us, as both perpetrators and victims. This is especially true given what we know about the contagious nature of cheating and the way that small transgressions can grease the psychological skids to larger ones.

We want to install locks to stop the next Bernie Madoff, the next Enron, the next steroid-enhanced all-star, the next serial plagiarist, the next self-dealing political miscreant. But locking our doors against the dishonest monsters will not keep them out; they will always cheat their way in. It is the woman down the hallway—the sweet one who could not even carry away your flat-screen TV if she wanted to—who needs to be reminded constantly that, even if the door is open, she cannot just walk in and “borrow” a cup of sugar without asking.

—Mr. Ariely is the James B. Duke Professor of Behavior Economics at Duke University. This piece is adapted from his forthcoming book, “The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty: How We Lie to Everyone—Especially Ourselves,” to be published by HarperCollins on June 5.

A version of this article appeared May 26, 2012, on page C1 in the U.S. edition of The Wall Street Journal, with the headline: Why We Lie.

Original article here

 

The strategic power of ‘thank you’

Issue 79: Nov. 2011   Australian Institute of Management

The new book The Thank You Economy by Gary Vaynerchuk suggests that today’s smartest businesses have moved forward by looking back to a time when the benefits of saying ‘thank you’ were better understood.

The author explains that a few generations ago a lack of graciousness would have ended the career of a village or local shopkeeper. In the 21st century’s social media driven teenage years negative virtual word of mouth can have the same devastating effect.

Vaynerchuk is not alone in his call for a thank you revival. A number of trendspotters claim gratitude is a wildly under-utilised business tool, one that can inspire both greater workforce productivity and keep customers coming back for more.

Overcoming gratitude deficit disorder

A recent poll on etiquette found five out of every 10 people don’t always say thank you. And herein lies the problem: it’s a fundamental aspect of the human condition that people are hungry for recognition of their efforts, both large and small.

With regard to customer or client service, an array of studies reveals that when thanked customers both spend more money and tell their friends how happy they are about an organisation’s service.

eBay offers a powerful example of gratitude in action. Because eBayers rate each other’s service there is an abundance of gratitude involved in most transactions, something that’s forgotten in many business transactions because there appears to be little incentive to show thanks.

Gratitude is also a smart management tool for organisations of all sizes. Quite simply, it makes employees feel useful and, as a result, more invested in their work. The process also helps the giver of thanks with research showing grateful people are more energetic, optimistic and social.

How grateful are you? Take the test here.

Making gratitude happen

Embedding gratitude within a business won’t happen by ordering staff to thank customers sincerely or broadcasting a series of vague ‘great work team’ platitudes. It’s a process that must be driven from the top down and carefully tailored to each situation.

Of course most managers make an effort to give positive feedback yet this tends to be reserved for ‘above and beyond’ moments only. A better approach, according to this HBR post is to recognise those smaller tasks that help make a company hum.

While hitting the right tone when offering appreciation doesn’t come easily to everyone, the ability to give sincere feedback can be learned. It all starts with some self-reflection in order to build greater empathy for those around us.

According to The Wall Street Journal it’s worth trying out a Buddhist exercise called Naikan, which asks people to ponder daily: What have I received from…? What have I given to…? and What trouble have I caused…?

The pitfalls of an appreciative approach

Building a thank you culture in any organisation has two dangers.

The first is that insincere thank you gestures or praise that is not shared evenly may be met with cynicism. And secondly, gratitude must be part of a clearly articulated strategy that helps to shape the organisation in the long term.

Building a grateful enterprise is not an easy or quick process, but it’s certainly a worthwhile one when you consider the benefits of showing that you fundamentally care about colleagues and clients.

Or as Gary Vaynerchuk puts it:

“There’s only so low you can go on price. There’s only so excellent you can make your product or service. There’s only so far you can stretch your marketing budget. Your heart, though, that’s boundless.”

Tips for implementing a thank you culture

Be specific – general compliments are usually well received but specific feedback is more meaningful

Process driven – rather just mentioning a positive outcome show your gratitude for the process an employee has undertaken to achieve success

Write stuff – a hand written note trumps a verbal or emailed comment as it provides workers with a keepsake of your appreciation

Thank complainers – more than anything else complainers want to be heard, thanking them for their feedback can stop them spreading negative viewpoints

Offer a value-added thank-you – consider different ways of showing thanks, such as sending a colleague a whitepaper or article that’s relevant to them

The once a week rule – set a reminder in your calendar to thank an employee each week to keep up the momentum of your gratitude

Go social – if your business is active in the social media space appreciation is particularly important as customers demand a bespoke peer-to-peer gratitude

Original article here
With thanks to the Fatherhood Foundation!

49 Gratitude Quotes and A Poem of Thankfulness
More here

Numbers 6:24-26  The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace.’

Philippians 1:3  I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,

Thankfulness

by Martin G. Collins
Forerunner, “Bible Study,”

At last, a judge tells the truth about divorce

By Melanie Phillips   UK Daily Mail   30 April 2012

At last, a member of the judiciary has broken ranks to warn of a social disaster that has taken place on the courts’ own watch.

Tomorrow, a High Court family judge, Sir Paul Coleridge, will launch a foundation to promote marriage and to warn of the catastrophic consequences of family breakdown.

Britain is blighted by serial divorce and a corresponding erosion of marriage. In 2010, there were some 241,000 marriages in England and Wales, fewer than a century ago, and 120,000 divorces, up by almost 5 per cent on the previous year.

This has gone hand in hand with a galloping increase in elective lone parenthood and cohabitation, whose own high rate of breakdown has poured petrol on to the flames of mass fatherlessness.

An appalling 3.8 million children are now caught up in the entrails of the family justice system, with as many as 320,000 new children each year being sucked in.

Sir Paul does not mince his words. As he so rightly says, family breakdown is the ‘scourge of society’.

Families do not recover from the fundamental shock it administers. Children dragged into such cases may never recover from the emotional upset, and the cost to society of clearing up the mess is calamitous.

Yet as he also says, obtaining a divorce is ‘easier than getting a driving licence’.

People think they can just dispose of a spouse because they fancy someone new or different. And he calls upon couples not to have children unless their relationship is stable — which means not cohabiting but getting married.

How refreshing to hear someone in public life so robustly tell the un-PC truth like this. As a family law specialist barrister for some three decades before becoming a judge in the family courts, Sir Paul has personally stared into the heart of this particular darkness.

So, too, have the other lawyers who have joined him as patrons of his foundation, including Baroness Butler-Sloss, former president of the High Court Family Division, and Baroness Shackleton, who acted for Prince Charles in his divorce from Diana, Princess of Wales.

This is not, however, just a group of people who happen to be particularly knowledgeable about the effects of divorce. The courts and the legal world they represent are directly complicit in this disaster.

Indeed, Sir Paul even likens his own profession to ‘cynical arms dealers’ making a living from weapons of family destruction. All credit to them, therefore, for biting the hand that has fed them.

At the core of this devastating social problem is that what should be regarded as a misfortune to be avoided has become reconfigured as lifestyle choice — one which is immune from criticism.

This has normalised the free-for-all of family breakdown and caused a rising tide of damage and misery for men, women and, above all, children. For more than three decades, lawyers and judges have led the way in bringing about this seismic cultural shift by progressively liberalising the practice of family law.

Judges declared they could not ‘look into people’s souls’ to decide who was actually to blame for the breakdown of a marriage. So the courts in effect decided that no one was to blame.

Marriage breakdown thus became something that just happened, like an act of God; with no one said to be responsible, a principal social constraint on ending a marriage fell away.

As the family law expert Baroness Deech, one of the foundation’s patrons, herself observed many years ago, this liberal approach by the lawyers created a political and legal ratchet effect.

As the restrictions on divorce or fatherless families fell into legal disuse, law reformers and politicians then proceeded to bring the law into line with changing attitudes — and their new laws were in turn liberally interpreted by the courts, creating pressure for further liberalisation.

The institutionally liberal Law Commission recommended one liberalising family measure after another, such as easier divorce, ending the stigma of illegitimacy or establishing equal rights for cohabitants, both gay and straight.

At the same time, New Left thinking about radical and non-judgmental ‘lifestyle choice’ swept through the intelligentsia. One baleful result was that supposedly objective research itself became corrupted.

The truth became not only unsayable but unknowable, as government researchers airbrushed the category of marriage out of official statistics, making it impossible to quantify the effects of different kinds  of relationship.

Academic researchers who tried to tell the truth about the devastating effects of divorce on children found themselves professionally ostracised and at risk of having their grant funding cut.

The actual damage to children from divorce and elective lone parenthood was further masked and minimised by other researchers, who were either consumed by guilt over their abandonment of their own children, or cravenly chose to go with the flow.

Meanwhile, research carried out mainly in the U.S. which produced overwhelming evidence of the relative harm done by family breakdown in virtually every area of children’s lives, was wickedly brushed aside.

Of course, there are many lone parents who do a heroic job against all the odds raising their children well. And there are some situations where it is indeed best for truly warring or abusive couples to part.

But research has shown that most marriages are not broken by such extremes but merely by grumbling dissatisfaction.  And in that kind of situation, it is usually better for the children if the parents stay together.

To which liberals have sneered that staying together ‘for the sake of the children’ is a cruel and heartless doctrine.

But since when was putting the welfare of their children ahead of parents’ own interests considered cruel and heartless? Only since society decided that children were an inconvenient obstacle to the right of parents to live lives of unfettered selfishness.

Now Sir Paul has decided someone has to break through all this lethal nonsense.

This is a move that is not without risks. Judges are not supposed to express their opinions, and his trenchant remarks may well cause some sharp teeth-sucking below the grandest of the wigs.

For sure, the last thing we want is politicised judges. But Sir Paul likens his initiative to a doctor alerting the public to an epidemic he has discovered, in the face of which it would be irresponsible to remain quiet.

Moreover, this is an epidemic for which the courts themselves bear no small measure of responsibility.  Now, aghast at the consequences they see, Sir Paul and his colleagues want to bring everyone to their senses.

The importance of such a statement by such a group is not to be underestimated. But it won’t be enough if politicians refuse to follow their lead.

The Prime Minister has consistently promised to support marriage, and the Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith is tirelessly trying to reverse the welfare state’s role in accelerating  family breakdown.

But to rescue marriage, you have to criticise and discourage un-marriage, or elective lone parenthood — and that is something Mr Cameron is notably reluctant to do.

Indeed, thanks to the family-wrecking Lib Dems the Government hasn’t even managed to get off the starting blocks in supporting marriage through the tax system.

Too many who should have known better have simply sold the pass on the toll of childhood misery and social harm inflicted by family breakdown.

For evil to triumph, it only needs good men to stay silent. Thank goodness Mr Justice Coleridge has decided he will not be one of them.

Original article here